1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

2
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,958
- (Bernard) Oh, my God.
- Isn't it great?

3
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,429
No, it's ridiculous.

4
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,193
Why did you get it?
And why is it in my shop?

5
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,236
Manny said I should get a hobby.

6
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,312
It'll be gone soon -
they need a winch to get it up to my flat.

7
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,277
You'll be bored of the piano
in ten minutes.

8
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,716
No. I'm getting proper lessons
from this Russian guy.

9
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,756
His ad says he never fails.

10
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,918
Right.

11
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,673
I have been working now for...

12
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,597
73 straight hours.

13
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,750
- I'm going to lunch.
- You can't.

14
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,594
Don't sell this, it's reserved for Williams,
all right?

15
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,990
- Where's my cure?
- It's not my fault you're hung over.

16
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,071
It is. If you were a normal person,

17
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,709
there wouldn't be so much to blot out.
Where's the flake?

18
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,155
I was looking for Blue Sands.

19
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,719
Sorry.

20
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,076
- This is not for sale!
- Flake, flake, flake, flake.

21
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,991
Oh, God!

22
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,310
Beat it, flaps.

23
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,152
This teacher is coming tomorrow,
is that OK?

24
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,515
Here's your bloody flake.

25
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,192
- Bernard?
- What?!

26
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,191
This is reserved for Williams.

27
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,511
You know what he's like.
It's written in the ledger.

28
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,318
"Williams - Blue Sands."

29
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,311
Will you get out of the way
for the lesson?

30
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,198
Shut up, all of you! I'm dying.

31
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,998
Jesus, more hobbledehoys.

32
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,640
You can't leave me alone with them!

33
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,553
They're all over the place
like a nest of pigs!

34
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,949
Why can't they all just go away and...

35
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,395
Oh, Manny, look.

36
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,994
I'm going. I don't even need a book.

37
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,038
I just heard this was funny
but sorry to bother you.

38
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,033
- No, wait. It's yours.
- No! That belongs to... Williams...

39
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,076
Great. How much do I owe you?

40
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,435
Nothing. Sorry it's not
beautifully wrapped.

41
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,511
Thanks.

42
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,950
- (Kicks Manny)
- (Phone)

43
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,873
Hello? No, they're all gone.
We sold the last one.

44
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,872
Mr Williams, your book.
Do you fancy a drink?

45
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,714
I'm afraid Manny's just sold
the last copy. Terribly sorry.

46
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,351
( Discordant piano)

47
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,270
Again! Come on.

48
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,316
Three Blind Mice!

49
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,320
- God, not again.
- What's the matter?

50
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,437
We've done this for 10 minutes,
it's not what I imagined.

51
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,239
Neither was my first wife. Play!

52
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,035
(Continues discordantly)

53
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:23,200
You see? I can't play. Even if I had
50 fingers and a million years to spare.

54
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,192
I want to watch a video.
Can we go get chips?

55
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,716
When you hired me,
you hired a Slavanski.

56
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,873
My family has taught piano for 200 years.

57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,475
Of all my 13 brothers and sisters,

58
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,552
I was the one sent on the scholarship.

59
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,438
The rest stayed behind in the yurt.

60
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,513
- What's a yurt?
- A tent made of beaver skins.

61
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,750
No slouching. Play!

62
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,589
(Continues, out of tune)

63
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:04,035
- Where were you?
- Fran kicked me out for her lesson.

64
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,190
Shut up. I'm not talking to you.

65
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,794
What? A customer
was a bit disappointed.

66
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,198
Quite disappointed. I'll make it up to you.

67
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,511
I'm sick of being used.
I'm sick of your lies.

68
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,592
- How will you make it up to me?
- I'll buy you a Jeep.

69
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,240
No. I want the weekend off.

70
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,550
I mean it. I want a life.

71
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,110
This is life!
We suffer and slave and expire, that's it.

72
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,953
We have needs. Fran's got her piano.

73
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,589
I want some time to myself.
You want to go out with a girl.

74
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,513
Don't make me laugh... bitterly.

75
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,433
Fran will fail, you'll toil your life away

76
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,751
and I'll die alone,
upside down on the floor of a pub toilet.

77
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,354
(Laughing)

78
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,797
- Just... just ask her out.
- It's pointless.

79
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,997
Look at her, she's got goodness
running out of her ears.

80
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:04,277
I bet you the weekend she says yes.

81
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,956
Go on, give it a go.

82
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,758
All right, all right, look.

83
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,152
Hello. I'm, erm - not that it matters -

84
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,196
erm, Bernard and...

85
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,874
Nice to meet you. Kate.

86
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,758
- The book's good. Thank you.
- Oh...

87
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:30,114
Do you eat? I do. Want to do it
in the same room sometime?

88
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,112
- Er, well...
- You're busy.

89
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,113
Probably seeing one of your
four million friends. Never mind.

90
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,589
There, you see?

91
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,636
Is tomorrow all right?

92
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,915
- You did ask me out?
- Yes, I did.

93
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,956
And I'm sorry to bother you.

94
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,998
I pass by the shop anyway,
say eight o'clock?

95
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,833
- E-Eight...
- Good. See you then.

96
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,715
What does that mean, "see you then"?

97
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:03,920
It means me, duvet, TV, Maltesers,
behind a locked door.

98
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,197
I win. I've got the weekend off.
You've got a date.

99
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,078
Fran's having a great time
with her piano.

100
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,799
Who's suffering now? You tell me. Ha!

101
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,556
( Faltering simple tune)

102
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,598
Enough!

103
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,069
Enough today.

104
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,232
Lots of work to be done.

105
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,595
Stupid piano.

106
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,911
You will practise all evening,
swear to me.

107
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,275
I swear.

108
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:45,918
I will be back tomorrow
and every day until you can play.

109
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,753
I got the weekend off.

110
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:03,036
That girl, I mean Kate, she asked me out.

111
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,156
Couldn't resist my musk.

112
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,829
- What's the matter?
- It's so unfair.

113
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,515
I must be musical.
I've got hundreds of CDs.

114
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,513
He wants me to practise all evening.

115
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,556
He's such a meanie.

116
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:23,599
Hm. I always wanted to learn
but my parents forced me not to.

117
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:29,950
I spent hour after hour
playing football all by myself.

118
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,919
Peering in at all the other children
practising their piano.

119
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,833
Get on with it,
you're not off till tomorrow.

120
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,229
What are you gonna do
with your time off?

121
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,869
Oh, I dunno. Long baths,
braid my beard, unbraid it.

122
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:46,873
Lie around fondling moonbeams,
being a lord of leisure.

123
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,110
Go on, you, get cracking.

124
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,953
OK, got to get down to this.

125
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,876
W-Where are you going?

126
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,757
Drink.

127
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,193
(Door closes)

128
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,356
Oh.

129
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,030
( Lively classical piano)

130
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,518
Ah! I can play!

131
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,399
(Static)

132
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,596
(

133
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,275
Ah!

134
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,160
(

135
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,438
Hey!

136
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,715
(Groaning)

137
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,109
(Both groaning)

138
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,351
(Both) Argh!

139
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,795
- Nooo!
- Shut up!

140
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:43,000
Ooh, drinking when you should
be practising? Naughty, naughty.

141
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,834
After this, you're on your own.
My time off starts now.

142
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,236
I was listening to the radio,
I picked up a few chords.

143
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,276
Oh, Manny, don't! My head.

144
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,797
Josef is coming. He'll squeeze my face
and my brains will come out my nose.

145
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,519
- ( Manny plays single notes)
- No noise!

146
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,670
(

147
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,480
It's good, isn't it? Sort of relaxing.

148
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,437
I picked up this as well.
It's quite famous. It goes...

149
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,954
(

150
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,758
Miss Fran?

151
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,677
I've been practising.

152
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,558
Therefore I don't need
to have any more lessons

153
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,756
and so you can... go home.

154
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,559
Hmm. I see.

155
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,471
How wonderful.

156
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:57,348
And did you pick up anything else
in this single evening?

157
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,352
( Jazz)

158
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,079
Impossible!

159
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,674
I don't believe it.

160
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,830
Nobody picks up jazz so quickly.

161
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,070
It was me showing off. I play jazz.

162
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,232
This is Bernard. Just a friend.

163
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:17,108
Have you been teaching my pupil,
Mr Bernard Jazz Friend?

164
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,475
Come away from the piano, please.

165
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,397
Now, play again. We shall see.

166
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,080
( Lively tune from radio)

167
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,630
How can this be?

168
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,915
Well, I did practise all night.

169
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,434
Don't be upset, Josef, you inspired her.

170
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,636
Yes, thank you, Josef.

171
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,553
You've done a wonderful, wonderful job.

172
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,996
Today she's a natural,
yesterday it was cats screwing.

173
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,432
All credit to you. This morning
she played Brahms, Handel, Bach...

174
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,318
Bach! My favourite.

175
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,277
Before I go, please.

176
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,109
No, I can't. It's not good enough.

177
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,634
A perfectionist!

178
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,836
Excellent.

179
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,037
- (Slams keys discordantly)
- I will return tomorrow.

180
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,509
- No, but-but...
- Ah. Tomorrow.

181
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,311
What did you say that for?
Now he's coming back!

182
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,709
Don't worry, Manny's gonna pick it up.

183
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,792
No, he won't.
He's on holiday, remember?

184
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:30,317
He'll be watching the Test match in bed,
eating tiramisu with a long spoon.

185
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,470
Manny, what could be nicer?

186
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,552
It's really relaxing, you said so yourself.

187
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,716
( Bach: Prelude 21)

188
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,597
Faster.

189
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,636
Faster!

190
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,875
You're not trying. Feathery strokes.

191
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,838
- You just told me to dampen it.
- Damp feathers.

192
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,878
You have to become the piano.
Play from within.

193
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,712
Argh! This isn't fair.

194
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,995
I get the weekend off, you meet Kate.

195
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,753
Ah! The lucky girl. I have to freshen up.

196
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,800
Er... No.

197
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,030
Come on, come on.

198
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,430
It's not as if you've been
asked to play anything difficult.

199
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,829
This is Bach's Prelude 21.

200
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,990
What would you describe as difficult?

201
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:20,437
Ritzenberg-Toscanonovic-
Prokofiev-Poppinofftoshops.

202
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,436
OK, you can have a break. Tea?

203
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,112
Oh! That'd be lovely.

204
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,033
I'll have one, too, thanks. And a bickie.

205
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,836
- Hi.
- Oh, hello.

206
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,070
I brought the book for you to read.

207
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,152
It's funny. What are you playing?

208
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,312
Oh, nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing, nothing.

209
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,994
Well, jazz. And classical. And everything.

210
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,674
- Rubbish, really.
- Go on.

211
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,718
- Oh, I'm not very good.
- That doesn't matter.

212
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:58,396
Usually I have to rub linseed oil
into my triceps before I...

213
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,710
Well, maybe a little ditty. Hang on.

214
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,354
No. No way. Not possible.

215
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,749
I refuse. Absolutely no.

216
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,558
That is a pity.

217
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,757
Have a nice weekend
repricing every book in the shop -

218
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,910
they've all just gone up by a penny.

219
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,638
Er, now...

220
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:20,759
there's just, er, something
I wanted to, er, ask you.

221
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,355
Erm, do you... Have you...

222
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,079
Have you ever, erm...

223
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,151
Have you ever read this?

224
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,073
- No.
- Well, don't. It's just birds.

225
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,355
Birds, birds and more birds.

226
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,592
Owls, finches, sparrows,
that kind of thing and it's...

227
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,592
It's very, very dull and birdy.

228
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,671
So stay away from that, OK?

229
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,751
- OK.
- All right. OK. Good.

230
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,831
Now, do you want to...?

231
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,309
Have a seat, have a seat.

232
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,879
Now...

233
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,871
music.

234
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,269
( Upbeat jazz)

235
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,549
Sounds good. You've been practising.

236
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,312
- Oh, hello.
- Hi.

237
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,916
You are the lowest. How can you?

238
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,676
Awful, eh? Much worse than lying
to that sweet old blind man.

239
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,910
Clear off, you're ruining my gig.

240
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,391
Good, isn't he?

241
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,596
Amazing.

242
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,433
The truth is... he's a genius.

243
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,033
This is nothing.

244
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:01,272
Upstairs he's got rooms full
of his most recent paintings.

245
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:07,310
He can, er, speak nine languages,
blow glass, do hard sums,

246
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,755
but he wouldn't tell you.
He's just so modest.

247
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,796
I had no idea.

248
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,314
He seems so sort of awkward.

249
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,752
What he needs is someone
to give him confidence.

250
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,319
Right.

251
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,189
( Gentle closing chord)

252
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,754
That was a bit clumsy. I'm usually better.

253
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,991
That was just fine.
Come on, you're taking me out.

254
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,276
Cheers.

255
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,029
Money. Taxis, dinners, tips.

256
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,872
What did you say about me?

257
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,916
Just nice things.

258
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,716
Oh, you poor thing.

259
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:06,635
Oh, Manny,
you mustn't let him exploit you like that.

260
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,393
You come and sit down.

261
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,436
There.

262
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,476
You sit there.

263
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,633
And have a nice practice
of the Bach for Josef.

264
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,073
Get off.

265
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,391
This is my holiday, I'm going to the pub.

266
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,358
I'm never playing for you again.

267
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,115
Well, if you can pick it up just like that...

268
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,156
anybody can.

269
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,554
(Discordant banging)

270
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,516
You freak!

271
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,032
Ohhh, God.

272
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,999
Come on, Manny, please!
Josef is gonna be here in a minute.

273
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,117
Don't! Stop! Stop.

274
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,875
What am I gonna say to him?
He'll kill me with his cane.

275
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,309
You. What did you say to Kate?

276
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,436
She thinks I'm the Renaissance.

277
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:12,229
She'll think I've lied. I had to go along
with all this reclusive genius stuff.

278
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:16,199
She'll be upset when she finds out
I'm a reclusive wanker.

279
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,238
You have lied, both of you, it's your fault.

280
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,471
I'm hung over and on holiday.
I'm going to lie down.

281
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:28,354
He's right.
We just have to tell them the truth.

282
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:33,309
- Josef! Um, hello.
- Fran, my dear.

283
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,153
Yes, erm, er...
Now, this is very difficult for me.

284
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,832
I know, I know.

285
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,309
Bach is always a challenge.

286
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,630
Permit me to introduce my father,

287
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,678
who flew in this morning
from Petersburg.

288
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,274
Miss Fran, my father Petor.

289
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:52,751
Hello. Yes, er, this makes
what I have to say even more difficult.

290
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:58,358
But wait. My grandfather Anton,
all the way from Odessa.

291
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,352
He taught the Tsar before the revolution.

292
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,192
Hello, erm, yes.

293
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,795
They have both come just to hear you.

294
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,270
Now, what did you want to tell me?

295
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,351
Wait.

296
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,119
Hi.

297
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,760
Oh... hi. Er, I feel very bad...

298
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,354
This is Mr Bernard Jazz - very good.

299
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,635
No, I'm not at all.

300
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,473
You've got to stop
putting yourself down.

301
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,232
Go on, play something.

302
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,596
Yes... Sorry, hang on.

303
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,596
No, I can't help either of you. I'm dying.

304
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,831
Look, if you just say yes,
I'll stop doing this.

305
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,395
A week off! I'll distract Kate.

306
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,711
A whole week, all yours, paid,
from today.

307
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,150
Spoon me.

308
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,836
( Elaborate arpeggios)

309
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,317
Bravo!

310
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,591
Go on, your turn.

311
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,352
How about a duet?

312
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,839
Huh?!

313
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,434
Bernard?

314
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,476
Yeah.

315
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,039
Please, no!

316
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:28,078
- And one, and a two...
- No! No!

317
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,037
One, two, three, four.

318
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,395
( Light and fast)

319
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,155
Ah!

320
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,394
( Frantic piano continues)

321
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,471
Oh!

322
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,351
Bravo! Bravo!

323
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,510
Extraordinary!

324
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,957
I think possibly the second best
performance I ever heard.

325
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,270
Yeah, no big th... Second best?

326
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,351
No more, no more.

327
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,671
In '43, I heard Rachmaninov.

328
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,150
He finished with
Flight Of The Bumble Bee.

329
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,151
You almost approached him.

330
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,117
You're never happy, are you?

331
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,714
Rachmaninov?
I bet he used all his fingers.

332
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,552
I'm sure you could do better.

333
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,631
Exactly. Exactly.

334
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,438
We'll do our party piece.

335
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,512
(Fran) Yeah.
We only use one finger each.

336
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,318
It's in triple time.

337
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,949
It's called Flight Of
The Seven Million Bumble Bees.

338
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,235
(Josef) Impossible. You're joking.

339
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,153
- You think so?
- Just watch this.

340
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,436
(Discordant pounding)

341
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,434
Mmm. (Chuckling)

342
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,476
Oh, that's good.

343
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,114
Wonderful! That's just the ticket.

344
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,556
(Punching, thudding)

345
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,788
- (Weeping)
- Shut up.

346
00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:00,156
So Josef shouted at you,
you're a failure, but hush your noise.

347
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:05,553
I can't even get a refund
cos it's full of bloody spoons.

348
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,352
Manny, get the aspirin.

349
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,954
No. I hope your head explodes.

350
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,191
Have some pity. You get drunk when
you've been dumped.

351
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,748
I'm delighted. It's all your fault.

352
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,435
I've sprained my ankle,
I can only see out of my ear.

353
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,431
- Everything hurts.
- Please!

354
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,397
No!

355
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,800
Hello, would you like to
make a donation for the blind.

356
00:23:39,000 --> 00:24:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

357
00:24:08,050 --> 00:24:12,600
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